Watch My Garden Growing

My gardening attempts in a new environment.

I have allowed life to lead me by the short hairs

on March 26, 2015

What I mean by that is, I have allowed life to lead me around instead of me leading my life. I have allowed myself to become the whiney, the excuse maker, saying “Woe is me.”

Listening to a sermon lately, I discovered the trials I am facing, the hardships of my existence, are in preparation for the life to come. I had been raised to believe that God’s people were inherently doomed to a life of trials in order to teach us something and/or to make corrections in our lives. I found myself always asking “What am I missing? What do I still need to learn?”
I still think there are things that I am missing and things that I need to learn but now I don’t think that it has anything to do with the trials I’m actually going through. I believe God has better place for us and we have to be strong enough to get there. I’m not talking about physical strength. I’m talking about emotional and spiritual strength.
I also know that I do need to make changes and I need to take control of my life. For example, I had to reschedule the conference from a Friday to a Saturday because the site double booked. I was not given many dates that I could choose to create this conference and because they moved me from a Friday to a Saturday I felt pinned in like I had no choice. when in actuality I could have said let’s do it on a Thursday or let’s do it the following Friday or I could have made other concessions one way or another. I allow the circumstances to dictate who I am and how I behave.
I have decided that I will no longer do that because I feel it harms Who I am spiritually.
As I get older I find that I no longer need to do certain things. My husband accused me of being one of those people who drive in the left hand lane knowing that they’re going to make a left hand turn eventually and refuses to go over the speed limit, and I have discovered that he is right. Actually, I’ve discovered that I don’t care about the little things as much as I used to. I’ll Drive in the left hand lane and I may go 5 miles over the limit but I’m not going to go 10 miles over the limit because someone else didn’t leave the house early enough to get to work on time.
5 meter resolution. Actually I’ve made a couple. I’ve decided that I will no longer attend any sessions held on a Saturday. I’ve decided that I don’t need to be part of 15 committees. I’ve decided that it’s OK for me to get up in the morning exercise eat a good breakfast to go to work and be happy at what I do. I’ve decided that working closer to home is more beneficial to me physically and spiritually then traveling two hours a day to get to a job that makes me crazy.
Don’t get me wrong, I love teaching I love my student and I even like most of my coworkers and my boss. what I don’t like is the red tape and I know it’s everywhere I don’t like knowing that nepotism is still alive and well I don’t like feeling that I have no control of doing my job. My job is a teacher librarian a library media specialist a librarian whatever you want to call it my job is to explore reading and literature with children and to help growing them a strong love of learning and reading so that they may succeed in life. this is not what I find myself doing however. I’m having to meet requirements that have nothing to do with literature or literacy. It has nothing to do with the love of reading. and I see that some of the practices we have actually cause children to not want to read to not enjoy the written word. And I find that difficult to handle. so I need change I need to be in an area where I can teach a child that a book can open new world a new life time to new experiences to them that reading can take them anywhere.

I am dictating this on my cell phone so I’ll come back later and actually correct my grammar do some editing and make this much more cohesive but I just needed to get my thoughts out this morning as I was listening to this sermon. so instead of allowing life to leave me I’m going to grab life by the short hairs and lead it around for a while. I’m going to enjoy my daughter’s graduation with her master’s degree. I’m going to enjoy spending time with my husband. I’m going to enjoy growing my own food being a healthier person. I’m going to enjoy going to church and being who I am. Who am I? there are so many versions of me that I almost don’t know where to start. first and foremost I’m a child of God. secondly I’m a wife and mother. after that I’m a woman who enjoys the art I enjoy sewing crocheting painting drawing reading obviously and gardening. I enjoyed camping being outside with my husband and enjoying the scenery. I am a little bit of the Earth Mother type. I believe in taking care of the earth and I believe in trying to take care of myself. So after this conference is over and I hand over the reins to my director elect, I plan to take a little step back. Back into Who I am. focus on my religious beliefs my personal beliefs my educational beliefs and work on creating the person I want to be instead of the person life has made me.


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